In All recipes, Noodle/Pasta/Rice, Snacks

“PRINCE” SPICY NOODLE CHIPS

“WE ALL KNOW HIM, A PUNK PRINCE WITH A BASEBALL CAP”

This story of the distortion or/rebirth of a Prince, is either going to sound savagely wrong or/wistfully nostalgic, depending on whether or not you came from an island called Taiwan in all its quiet and subordinate existence just southeast of China. You’re looking at something called the wang-zi (prince) mian (noodle). The extent of its popularity outside of Taiwan is a less certain matter but yeah, we all certainly know him, the punk-looking prince with a hideous baseball cap on a bright yellow and red-striped plastic bag, with a brick of fried noodles and seasonings inside. Cup Noodles in bag-form.

Except for the obvious disconnection between his look and the word “Prince”, there was nothing out of the ordinary. His journey only grew remarkable at a historic moment when he, among other bugs and such, became the victim of children’s relentless savagery which left him deformed.

03.17.2014

In All recipes, Bakery/Pastry, Sweets, updated recipe

SPEED FOLDING, PEANUT SUGAR MORNING BUNS

“JUST TWO FOLDINGS, GUYS. TWOOO FOLDINGS!”

I literally cannot wait, cannot put another wasted minute between you and this recipe. Cannot contain the overjoy in the fact that I have fulfilled the purpose of why I was put on this earth, my designated service to humanity… it is all done, right here, after I push the “publish” button. I can die now and be accepted into heaven and I shall be in peace.

Yesterday, armed with skepticism, I entered the kitchen with an unlikely theory. A few hours later, I came out lit-up like a Christmas tree. This rarely happens, but it did.

03.12.2014

In All recipes, Snacks, Vegatables

CHEESY CHICK-FLICK POPCORN

“MR. DARCY, THE CLOSETED FETISH OF MODERN FEMINISTS”

OK… OK so I lied. I didn’t go outside last week… As a matter of fact, I didn’t go outside for the entire three consecutive blue-sky-days… I’ve been home. I’ve been home all this time, alone by myself with Jason on a business trip… helplessly, drowning in a bloodbath of some of the ultimate, eternal cinematic achievements known to women. One. Classic. Hit. After. Another…. Twelve Years Of Slaves?… Neeuuu….

Ladies, bust out your most shameless, worthless, dirtiest secret stash… it’s home-alone chick-flicks extravaganza night.

03.09.2014

In All recipes, Seafood, Snacks

PORKY, GINGERY SHRIMP TOASTS

“HAS IT BECOME OBVIOUS? I LIKE SHRIMPS”

Can I rudely leave you alone with this crunchy… buttery… porky, gingery shrimpy thingy today even though you were just introduced? Not that you’ll need any persuasions to take them home to your bed, but you know, I still feel like explaining myself why I’m in such a hast today. Well, first, It’s been the third consecutive “blue sky day” here in Beijing which is as rare as a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade through The Black Gate of Mordor, so yes first, I think I should step outside my nest. Secondly, yesterday as I was routinely sipping my afternoon joe while courting my laptop, through the misty reflection of the screen I saw there he was… Rebeus Hagrid, in his bad hair-day. So yes secondly, I think I should step outside my nest. Thirdly, there’s a fabulous red skirt from Zara with my hip’s name on it.

First-second-who?

03.06.2014

In All recipes, Bakery/Pastry, Sweets

THE PINEAPPLE BUNS/PO LO BAO

“THEY HAUNTED ME LIKE THE SWEETEST NIGHTMARE”

I want to begin today by saying, “I’m sorry, Kelly. I sidetracked.”

A few weeks ago, a reader sent me an earnest suggestion saying that ever since she lost contact with one of her beloved things to eat, the curry beef buns from Chinese bakeries, that she has missed it dearly, and that it may fit eloquently into this humble blog of mine because from what it seems (and she’s right), that I’d love me some curry, too. Oh yes, Kelly. Oh you have no idea, curry and me are like this. We tight. However… even though we spent a substantial amount of keyboarding discussing those mysterious curry beef buns, two other relatively mundane words that she brought up amidst the conversion haunted me like the sweetest nightmare and chased away everything else.

Wait, did you say… pineapple buns?

03.02.2014

In All recipes, Seafood

THE TYPHOON-SHELTER GARLIC SHRIMP

“WHERE THE FUCK IS MY TYPHOON SHELTER?”

I. CAN’T. STAND. THIS. ANYMORE!

What the hell’s going on? Is… is there a forest fire nearby? Nope, I don’t think so! Has a meteor hit China and created tidal waves of dust clouds that’s taking forever to settle? Nope, nope but I wish! But then what the hell in this apocalyptic country is going on that I can’t see beyond five buildings for the past ~~five~~ six consecutive days?! I mean seriously, I could duct tape myself naked to the window and I doubt my neighbours would have enough visibility to notice! I could hang a freakin’ brisket outside my apartment and it’d be smoked up like hickory and death! I’d laugh at these photos if I hadn’t realized I live here, too…

02.26.2014

In All recipes, Meat, Noodle/Pasta/Rice

TAIWAN PORK RAGU ON RICE – LU ROU FAN

“YOU MISSED OUT…
THAT JUST ISN’T FAIR”

I wrote a post called Taiwan in a pot very early on when this blog just started, when most of us haven’t actually met yet. And perhaps that’s OK. Perhaps it’s wiser to have pre-mature photographs stay buried six-feet-under the surface of blogosphere, safely and quietly, just like how I forever silenced all images of my existence before 1998… But I couldn’t help but feeling that if my pettiness to hide my food-pictures wearing braises, has caused you to miss out on something great, truly great, then that just isn’t fair. So the other night when I made this for the gazillion-th of time at home, I thought I’d give you a little shout-out.

Ladies and gents, my death-meal.READ MORE

02.24.2014

In All recipes, Noodle/Pasta/Rice, Sweets

INSIDE-OUT BLACK SESAME STICKY RICE BALLS

“SO WHAT DOES
THE LETTER ‘Q’ TASTE LIKE?”

I. Love. This. Stuff.

Everybody, girls especially, who has or shares an Asian background, loves this stuff. This stuff is so popular it’s practically in the freezer section in every respectable Asian grocery stores, big or small. This stuff is so unstoppable, that although originally meant to be eaten on a single Chinese holiday only, now is enjoyed all year round. People look for excuses to eat this stuff. Given that it’s warm, soft and sweet, it’s a comfort food for the mentally wounded. But then again, given that it’s a circle which symbolizes “wholeness” and “content”, it’s a must-item in Chinese weddings, too. Boyfriend dumped you, you eat this stuff. Getting hitched, you eat this stuff. You see what I mean?

This stuff is called tang-yuan (literally soup-circles), aka sticky rice balls.

02.21.2014

In All recipes, Dairy, Vegatables

HELLO, ÇILBIR

“FORGET EGGS BENEDICT… THERE’S A
NEW BRUNCH CRAZE IN TOWN”

The sleep-bugs are hitting me like a brick today…

Maybe because I fought to stay up last night after Jason pulled a long work-night, and prepared him this as a very inappropriate thing to eat at 2 AM. I can be a very irresponsible wife sometimes. Lighting looks weird but hey, that’s the best midnight can do.

But the more pressing matter, besides the fact that I’m slowly murdering my husband (who helplessly squeezed out these words, “Is yogurt… fattening?” through his feeding mumbles…), is have you heard about this?

Çilbir.

02.18.2014

In All recipes, Featured Attractions, Meat

SERIOUSLY, MAPO TOFU

“Missing only one of these ingredients…?
THEN DON’T EVEN BOTHER!”

I probably talk about myself too much.

Yeah, people don’t like girls who talk about themselves too much, who can’t discuss Life of Pi without bringing up their ex-boyfriends. I… can’t be that girl, right? But oh look I have a blog, about my dinner, moreover it has dawned on me that very little space in this personal blog is even food-talk, but more like me-talk. Where I should’ve dedicated an elaborate, mouth-watering and core-deep description about why you should eat this immediately, whatever this may be, I’d say “Oh look there’s a huge mole on my ass!”.

Oh my God… I am her. But not today… not today.

02.15.2014

In All recipes, Bakery/Pastry, Sweets

THE SAUCY MARRIAGE PUDDING

“VALENTINES, STEP ASIDE.
THIS IS PROFESSIONAL LOVE LIFE”

I was born a cynic.

I mean was that not obvious? Had I been able to remember I’d say with certainty that I came in this world, a genetically negative and unpleasant baby who cursed at the color pink if she could form words, who went on to earnestly suggest divorce as an alternative lifestyle for her parents at age five. Perhaps the last ounce of my lacking fluffiness died with the moment when my best friend stuffed Raccoon was brutally trashed in a random afternoon while I was away citing ABC’s at pre-school, the last straw in leaving a cold, hardened human being walking this lonely planet believing that all loves are, ultimately, just temporary. So yes, I was born with, and still have now, a good faith in cynicism.

But somehow at the age of 27, I married my very first boyfriend. How did that happen?

02.12.2014

In All recipes, Condiments, Poultry, Snacks

MICKY-WHO? BETTER HOMEMADE CHICKEN NUGGETS

“I
SUPERNOVA-SIZED MYSELF
FOR YOU. IF THIS IS NOT LOVE…”

Oh you thought I was kidding about the what-my-ailing-dog-wouldn’t-eat-but-you-might series?

Uhem, no sir, no ma’am… I was dead serious. You see, the following story is either gonna provide clarity or forever put you off from reading another word in this post, but I’m gonna say it anyways. In the past weeks of my bumpy journey on coming up with nourishments that my heartbroken dog-son might be willing to sniff or perhaps take a bite, I found myself embarrassingly wanting… salivating really… over these supposedly “dog foods” that I kept for him in a tupperware… And for awhile it took some considerable amount of trembling self-respect not to, until finally I decided silly was just silly. That I shall eat them myself.

No, again, I’m not kidding.

02.07.2014

“WE ALL KNOW HIM, A PUNK PRINCE WITH A BASEBALL CAP”

“JUST TWO FOLDINGS, GUYS. TWOOO FOLDINGS!”

“MR. DARCY, THE CLOSETED FETISH OF MODERN FEMINISTS”

“HAS IT BECOME OBVIOUS? I LIKE SHRIMPS”

“THEY HAUNTED ME LIKE THE SWEETEST NIGHTMARE”

“WHERE THE FUCK IS MY TYPHOON SHELTER?”

“YOU MISSED OUT… THAT JUST ISN’T FAIR”

“SO WHAT DOES THE LETTER ‘Q’ TASTE LIKE?”

“FORGET EGGS BENEDICT… THERE’S A NEW BRUNCH CRAZE IN TOWN”

“Missing only one of these ingredients…? THEN DON’T EVEN BOTHER!”

“VALENTINES, STEP ASIDE. THIS IS PROFESSIONAL LOVE LIFE”

“I SUPERNOVA-SIZED MYSELF FOR YOU. IF THIS IS NOT LOVE…”