In All recipes, Meat, Vegatables

THAI HERBS AND PORK SALAD

I’m determined to get a life during this Labour Day long weekend so let me quickly leave you with this. Best. Damn. “Salad”. You’ll. Ever. Have. Period. Period.

HOW COULD IT BE? OH WAIT, IT’S THE PORK.

It’s a recipe I developed for Food52’s column “Half Way to Dinner“, and initially I didn’t write any measurements down because I wasn’t sure how open you guys would be towards a “ground pork salad”. But it turned out, a few request for it came in and so I made it again the other night… and again… and again…

I was incandescently happy being lost in a sea of gushing green that I got confused for a moment. How could be? What’s happened to me? The flavour between a few thinly sliced shallots, splashes of fish sauce and lime juice is practically addictive no matter what you mix it with, but still… am I a “salad” person now? Oh wait… there’s the ground pork… lots of it. Actually. Well forget what I said then.

Best. Damn. “Meat salad”. Ever. Period.

05.02.2014

In All recipes, Condiments, Vegatables

SICHUAN DRESSING & BOUQUET OF FIRE

THIS IS WHAT I CALL, STUFFED ARTICHOKE”

I’ve never understood salad.

And by “salad”, I mean it in the most traditional sense of plant-based lifeforms being tossed in vinegar-based dressings. I’ve never understood the idea of it, or the taste of it. It seems that all salads are ever “dressed” with, are the nonstop BS campaign and PR efforts, the pretence of hippie-wholeness and “feel-good” sentiments designed to talk us into laying down our appetites and picking up that cucumber. Excluding vegetarianism which is a whole other subject, the only peace I find in salad, is if we could all just admit to the blunt and clear motives of why anybody eats it.

We only eat salad because we have to. Period.

We eat salad because we don’t want to be fat. We eat salad because we don’t want to die prematurely. We eat salad because what, you think you have a choice? Underneath whatever self-hypnosis, there’s only strictly medical purposes. And I think that if everyone could just quit dancing around it and just say that. People would actually eat more salad, because truth, is the most powerful persuasion.

However, after moving back to Asia, that view is slightly, or at least in the progress of, changing.

04.29.2014

In All recipes, Bakery/Pastry, Sweets

MONDAY BLUE-BERRY OATMEAL COOKIE

DOES IT SOUND LIKE A GOOD TIME TO FLUFF IT?

I have been told multiple times, by a number of highly credible professionals other than real doctors, that I present troubling signs of minor depression.

Do I?

I sleep. I sleep for a staggering number of hours each day and struggle every ~~morning~~ day for reasons not to add a couple more. But I wonder, perhaps even argue if a real depressed individual would be emotionally capable of the kind of trust and intimacy I share with my dog-hair-embroidered blanket? I also distract myself from my wild discontent in life with the soothing and gentle comfort… of e-commerce. It levels, if only momentarily, my spiritual black hole with mostly delusional clothing that are always one size too small… or one feet too tall. There’s an out-of-place installation in my closet of sequin dresses, and jeans that squeezes my lower half like an outbursting Italian sausage, sounding a silent warning of my concerning mental status.

04.23.2014

In All recipes, Meat, Noodle/Pasta/Rice, Poultry

THE NEW YORK HALAL DRUNK FOOD

“CHANCES ARE, YOU’VE HAD SOME SORT OF PROMISCUOUS ENCOUNTER… YOU JUST DON’T REMEMBER IS ALL”

You’re probably thinking, what in the world is this? Or at least the 90% of you who has never traveled/lived in New York plus the 8% who has (completely made-up statistics..), but stuck disciplinarily to mother’s rule of never putting anything questionable from the street into your mouth, wouldn’t have the slightest clue what the hell this is. But then… then there’s the rest of the 2% you.

Well, hello there, my friend. You know you’ve been bad.

04.19.2014

In All recipes, Bakery/Pastry, Meat, Seafood

MEXICAN CHORIZO + GARLIC SHRIMP BURGER

“BOYS WILL BE BOYS?”

What happens when you practice general lawlessness between a 6-pounds white prince who has, for his entire 14-years of life, consistently mistaken himself as a Magnificent Pit Bull, and a 26-pounds mutt boy who, constantly subjected to his ambiguous status in the house, has quietly developed some sort of combative inferiority-complex?

Sibling rivalries? Boys will be boys? I don’t think so… there’s a hole on Dumpling’s neck right now that looks like my ultimate parental failure.

I know, I know, Cesar Millan, that it’s my fault and not theirs. So now allow me to present you this fresh pork chorizo burger with melted manchego cheese with garlic shrimps and paprika mayo, while I run off to to get some really dirty looks from the vets. Enjoy.

04.15.2014

In All recipes, Bakery/Pastry, Dairy, Sweets

THE IMPLODING HONEY CUSTARD CAKE

“I HAVE PROOF OF ITS ABSOLUTE TAKEOVER ON THIS SIDE OF THE PLANET… HERE SEE!”

You must think me mad. I know. I’d think the same thing if I were you, entertained in front the computer witnessing the mental meltdown of this blogger who’s rocking back and forth, murmuring about what’s obviously a tragic kitchen disaster… if only to herself. Maybe that happens sometimes… just maybe. But not this time. I know what this must look like. A melting cake? A tragically deflated sponge cake that’s foaming uncontrollably in its mouth? Oh shit it’s an epileptic cake! Go ahead, mock it, have a good one. Then I want you to quiet down, sit in a circle hand-in-hand like tiny eager pre-schoolers and braise yourself for an unexpected cake that will. Change. Your. World.

Ready? It’s Japanese.

(or, as a reader newly pointed out, Portuguese as well)

04.11.2014

In All recipes, Seafood

TORCHED SALMON IN GREEN JUICE SAUCE

“REVELATIONAL… INGENIOUS… DO YOU JUICE?”

Last week I discovered something revelational… ingenious… a recipe that isn’t just a recipe, but an idea. A method with infinite possibilities. The final product tasted so extravagantly delicious, the word “healthy” didn’t even come within a mile in association, and I was simply going to pitch it to you as the best and easiest damn salmon dish you’ll ever encounter. Little did I know that I almost regrettably left out the single greatest marketing value it may possess, until last night, I ran into this question:

Do you juice?

04.07.2014

In All recipes, Dairy, Sweets

JUSTICE IS SOFT-SERVED

“FROZEN YOGURT THAT COULD OUT-STAND ROOM-TEMPERATURE”

The past few days have been weird.

From what it seems, you’d think that I’ve been riding the creamy white waves of exhilarating… homemade frozen yogurt. But behind the coolness and calm, there had been an underground storm of anger and injustice.

04.03.2014

In All recipes, Dairy, Meat, Noodle/Pasta/Rice, Vegatables

HERB GNOCCHI W/ MID-SEASON GREENS

“IT’LL FOREVER CHANGE HOW YOU FEEL TOWARDS GNOCCHI… OR KALE FOR THAT MATTER”

I don’t know which shocker this post is more about. The best damn gnocchi you’ll ever have in your life, that instead of “fluffy clouds”, tastes more like spring thunder in your mouth, or the fact that… holy shit, I cooked vegetables! I guess… both, I think. Two previously unfavoured dinner-candidates came together and pulled a stormy revolution in my kitchen. I’ve survived with only a belt-overhanging gutt to tell you about it.

03.30.2014

In All recipes, Bakery/Pastry, Christmas Morning Series (overnight roast), Got Nothing But Time, Meat, updated recipe

FAUX SMOKED MEAT/PASTRAMI

“There’s New York. There’s Montreal. THEN THERE’S THE REST OF THE BARREN WORLD WITHOUT THIS SMOKY PINK”

(My subconscious eagerness to share this may have caused me to accidentally publish it before saying anything… By the way, WordPress, if you’re reading, a “confirm publish” pop-up may be quite useful you know) Uhem… so, where was I?

There are two types of carnivorous Earthlings in this cosmos. One who has been blessedly graced by the acknowledgement and transformative tevilah of a truly, truly great pastrami. And one who unknowingly misunderstands it as being overrated. Before stepping a foot in New York, I couldn’t care less what a chunk of weirdly pink, muscularly dry and cold Jewish staple would taste like in between two pieces of woodboard-rye, but then of course, Katz got my tongue at the age of 21. Before stepping a foot in Montreal where they can’t even get bagels right, I couldn’t care less what us Canadians have to say about a warm, spiced-up version of pastrami they call “smoked meat”. Then I again stood humbly corrected at the heel of Schwartz a few years later. Life since, has never been the same.

03.25.2014

In All recipes, Condiments, Seafood

TAIPEI OYSTER PO’BOY

“YOU’VE NEVER HAD OYSTER PO’BOY LIKE THIS”

Oh it’s Too-much-life Day. So lucky for you, you can be left alone with this salivating monstrosity without me breathing down your neck. Plus, you can’t possibly need introduction to this? OK, well fine…

03.21.2014

In All recipes, Dairy, Snacks, Vegatables

DUSTY CHEDDAR POTATO CROQUETTE

“A SEQUEL OF CHICK-FLICK POPCORNS…”

I couldn’t stop thinking about the color orange.

Not thinking about orange after the revelation of homemade cheese powder for this white cheesy popcorns, is like ignoring the bigger and prettier elephant in the room. You know you thought the same. So let’s just take a moment to put this unnatural, unhealthy, un-anything-you-should-really-eat-or-let-alone-making-at-home idea aside, before we can get back to eating real foods.

Shall we? A sequel of our chick-flick popcorns – the orange stuff that would make cardboard taste good.

03.19.2014